


(Not)-Bland Marvel Headcanons

by puremarvelfeels



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Bland Marvel Headcanons, Gen, Not all characters are here just yet, headcanons, only i hope they're not really bland, will just keep adding, will never be complete
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-04
Updated: 2017-07-04
Packaged: 2018-11-23 13:42:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 1,196
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11403591
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/puremarvelfeels/pseuds/puremarvelfeels
Summary: Ongoing set of random headcanons and extra ideas I have about the Avengers and extra Marvel characters. Have fun!





	1. Modern Headcanons

-Tony buys Frito-Lay solely so he can put Steve on every Doritos bag

-Tony buys the pop brand that makes Dr. Pepper. He gives Pepper the company on the day she graduates with her PhD. 

-Deadpool himself personally bought Marvel. And Disney. 

-Bucky buys out all the sleeping bags in a ten mile radius and gives them to the homeless, along with several $100 bills and a pre-paid flip phone.

-Tony bought out the Barnes & Noble bookstore and gave the entire corporation to Steve and Bucky.


	2. Past Headcanons

-Steve reads Bucky's textbooks. Even _Bucky_ doesn't read Bucky's textbooks.


	3. Invisibility Cloaking

Between the Avengers’ great ideas, Stark’s infinite money supply, and some design input from Jarvis, the team invents little invisibility devices that attach to their weapons and superhero gear. Although they’re not perfect, they do a great job of cloaking the weapons so that the Avengers can be in plainclothes or undercover and still be armed.

Problems arise when they realize they can’t see their weapons either. Which isn’t terrible—they’re professionals, they can compensate for it—but it actually makes their jobs a lot harder. (“You try catching an invisible shield at thirty miles an hour, Stark!”) And it gets even worse when someone accidentally sets down a weapon that’s still in invisible mode.  
Jarvis saves footage of every time it happens in the Tower, and it’s great to watch. Natasha’s Avenger Adventures YouTube channel is soon full of videos of varying lengths documenting the chaos as various invisible arms, weapons, gear, and ammo are stepped on, sat on, fallen on, and tripped over.

Once, Bucky spends two minutes holding his backside while yelling at something invisible and sharp that somebody apparently left in his chair. He reaches down to pick it up and promptly gashes his human hand on the edge. The scream of “Oh, come on!” draws eight of the other Avengers, who spend nearly four minutes trying to figure out how to pick up something that’s this sharp and get the invisibility band off without anybody else getting hurt. Finally, Vision drifts through the crowd, picks it up, and removes the cloaking device, revealing the incredibly lethal, dangerous weapon: Wanda’s inch-and-a-half-blade pocketknife. The internet has a field day with that footage.

Clint sits on his quiver and cracks both the quiver and several of his best arrows. The video of him melodramatically mourning the loss and throwing an impromptu funeral for his trusty quiver has around twelve million views and counting. 

Steve has a bad habit of setting down his shield without thinking about it. Tony once stepped on the edge of that invisible shield and banged it into his bare shin so hard that he fell over and broke Steve’s coffee table. Bucky’s loud cackling is audible, Tony yells at Steve, and both Steve and Tony end up sitting on the floor crying with laughter.

Invisible Mjölnir was left on a toilet lid once. That ended predictably badly.

One of the best videos is the one of the time when Clint knocked a 500-ct. box of invisible ammo off the kitchen counter. For the next hour, there were ten superheroes and an Android crawling all over the floor, trying to find the scattered bullets. They remove the invisibility devices, count up the bullets, and take almost five minutes trying to find those last three that are unaccounted for. It's not until Tony asks Jarvis for help that they're directed to the smirking form of Bucky in the corner, who swiped them quietly and has been watching to see how long it would take for them to notice him.

The most iconic moment of all pretty much broke YouTube when Nat posted it. Steve, as always, set down his invisible shield after the battle and couldn't find it, so he and Bucky were crawling along in a tiny alleyway and feeling the ground with their hands, trying to locate the lost shield. Sam, filming them on his phone, sighs and calls out, "What did you geezers lose this time, your glasses or your dentures?"


	4. Bucky + Colors

Bucky buys everything in bright colors and with interesting textures. This is so he always remembers that he is not the Asset anymore and that he is Bucky Barnes. He is also luxuriating in the fact that he has money at his disposal (his assets were frozen, along with him, in 1945, and the interest has definitely added up) and can afford to have more than two or three outfits at a time. 

He buys fuzzy blankets and silky sheets, wears everything but leather and loves feeling different textures on his skin. He buys purple underwear, tie-dyed t-shirts, socks of every available color and pattern, garish old-men’s golf pants, patterned tank tops (yes, Stevie, they are from the ladies’ athletic department; sue me, they’re comfortable), superhero and fandom merch, attitude tees, a plethora of multicolored hair scrunchies, loose colorful yoga pants, loose comfortable sweatpants, and a rainbow of plaid shirts. He repaints his room in all his happiest colors and bunks down with a stuffed panda bear, a cute little Webkinz hedgehog named Martin, an orange stuffed dinosaur, a kitty-face emoji pillow, and a five-foot-tall teddy bear, which he totally, definitely, positively does not cuddle, ever. Ha. 

Bucky still wears heavy, snug, protective clothing when he goes out on missions with the team. But the one constant is that no matter what’s happening or who they’re fighting, his socks are always colorful and mismatched.


	5. Good Eyes, Nice Targets (I'm Sorry I Shot You)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Clint and Nat are married in this one.

“You know," Bucky says to Nat at dinner, "I never did apologize for shooting you.”

“Oh, it’s fine,” Nat replies, shoving another forkful of lasagna in her mouth. “Apology accepted.”

Bucky’s eyebrow furrows.

Nat almost laughs. “What, did you want me to be mad at you? I can be mad at you. Get down on your knees and beg for my forgiveness,” she says sarcastically. 

Clint grins and leans across the table to Bucky. “It’s fine, pal. We all know you have a good eye for a nice target.”

The comment is met with a mix of awws and guffaws from the other Avengers. 

“Clint,” Steve teases, “You have a shooting-related apology to make as well.”

Clint groans and buries his red face in his hands as the others whoop it up and razz him. “It was one arrow, guys. One little accident.”

Bucky grins, catlike and feral. “Please, do elaborate. I’d love to hear an apology from you.”

Clint barely raises his head off his arms to look Bucky in the eyes. “I’m sorry I shot you in the butt.”

The Avengers really start making some noise now, as they got an actual _apology_ out of Clint Barton. At least three people just filmed that on their phones. Clint groans more loudly and again buries his head.

Natasha gives him her slyest look. “Oh, it’s fine, Clint.” She leans in a little bit more closely. “We all know you have a good eye for a nice target.”

The table goes _nuts_. 

Amid the chaos of whoops, hollered comments, and butt-related jokes directed toward Bucky, Clint leans up and whispers into Natasha’s ear, “’Good eye for a nice target’ indeed. Of course I have one. I married you....”


End file.
